Our First Fight
As I mentioned previously, this post was originally written while my wife and I were dating. If you’re wondering why you’re reading this instead of a post about how to make money blogging, you probably need to go back and read the post from earlier today.
So Juliet and I had our first… well lets call it a disagreement. It hardly seems fair to call it a fight as it was not a proper row with screaming and yelling or anything… in fact it was really quite amusing. Well in the true spirit of my current favorite author Mil Millington I will tell you all about it (albeit a *slightly* embellished version). You see it all started when I chased a raccoon… yes that’s correct… you may re-read that last bit if you need to. All caught up now? Grand. I suppose that really is over simplifying things. Let me fill in a few gaps.
I was on the phone with Juliet the other night and she was telling me a story about her night… well I happen to glance up and notice a raccoon walking across our front yard into the back yard. Now, any of you who know me know about the famous series of raccoon encounters and subsequent killings from a couple of summers ago. Well, being as how I have a soft spot in my heart for raccoons (right next to Martha Stewart and the Chicago Cubs) I decided I didn’t want this overgrown rodent in the back yard where our dogs were. I quickly say “Hold on a second.. I have to chase this raccoon.” I proceed to chase the raccoon (quite bravely might I add….. don’t worry, I will get to the embellishment later) and after satisfying myself that this particular raccoon would no longer be a threat to the family pets I returned to the conversation.
However…. (as some of you more experienced in relationships might have seen coming) Juliet was having none of this. The other end of the phone was completely silent. I, being the very observant guy that I am, ask if something is wrong. Now I will give you all one guess as to Juliet’s response… its not hard… she says “Nothing.” Now apart from the heavens opening up and God himself smiting her down for such a blatant lie, I figure I have two choices as to how to proceed with this discussion. I choose the response of
“Oh come on, I know something is bothering you.”
“Well its just that…. I mean you interrupted my story to chase a RACOON?”
Just as a side note I don’t think her reaction would have been much different had I gone off to chase a wild dingo that had stolen the neighbor’s 6 month old infant… however, that is neither here nor there.
We have quickly come to the climactic moment in this historic first…. what did we settle on? ah yes… this historic first discussion. However, before we get to my retort I feel the need to fill you in with some more background information in order that you may fully appreciate where I am coming from in my ill fated response. Juliet has interrupted me no fewer than 37,842 times in the one month we have been dating. I mean I really don’t mind at all (my thought process is already a train wreck so what do I care if someone comes in and takes out a few more sections of the track?). But… that is not the point. The point is that she interrupts my perfectly good stories all the time and for things much more trivial than heroically chasing down a rabies infested, child eating raccoon (this is the embellished part).
Anyway, my response at this point was “Are you kidding me?” Now see hindsight being 20 20 and all, I too realize that this was not the best response possible. You cant expect a guy to be perfect 24/7. Well at this point, even as these words are escaping my mouth, my muscles are pulling my face into an expression very much like one would have when they realize they have just stepped off the curb right in front of a tractor trailer. A deer in the headlights had nothing on me. Well after a few apologies I finally get her to finish the oh so captivating story of how her paint dried or maybe it was about the grass growing? Anyway the story was thankfully finished and we continued our conversation. I start to tell a story and BAM! I immediately get interrupted. I think a nail had been chipped or something else along those earth shattering lines. Anyway I oh so kindly ask the obvious question that is on everyone’s mind at this point.
“If I am not supposed to interrupt you, then why is it ok for you to interrupt me?” (I really think this just self loathing and masochistic tendencies at this point. I am looking into therapy.)
As you might guess this comment went over about as well as the Hindenburg. I think I even heard the neighbor yell “Oh the humanity!” My reaction time, after a few warm-up idiotic remarks, however was much quicker this time and I just tacked on my apology right on to the end of the comment so it really was more like this:
“If I am not supposed to interrupt you, then why is it ok for you to interrupt me?I am so sorry. I am an idiot. That wasn’t fair at all. Its obviously a different situation. Please forgive me and accept my left arm as a sacrifice to appease the angry gods of relationship.”
Whats the moral of this story? Score one for those god-forsaken raccoons. They may have won this time… but this isn’t over. Not by a long shot.
Editor’s Note: Just so you all don’t think I am trying to prematurely start our second
argum… I mean discussion, I asked for permission to post this. Even Michael Jordan needed a night off every now and then.
P.S. Don’t forget, you can still enter the Complete Blogging Package contest. We’re about a week away from the deadline and I’m pretty sure we picked up some subscribers early this morning so hopefully we can push that feed count up over 150 and keep it there until the end of the contest. Have a good weekend everyone!