Your Blog Might Suck
I don’t know about you but I’m ready for the weekend. But, since it’s only Tuesday I figured I would lighten things up a bit. This post is meant to be funny but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still some good points in it as well.
I’m not sure why but Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be A Redneck” routine always stuck with me. So, with a tip of the hat to the original, I’d like to present “Your Blog Might Suck”. Now before I get going I need to explain a few things. First and foremost, I probably have done or will do 75% of the things I’m about to talk about. I’m not proud, I’m just letting you know. Next, meeting one of these criteria doesn’t necessarily mean your blog sucks. Remember it’s “Your Blog Might Suck.” However, if you notice that this is a checklist of all the “features” of your blog, sorry, but your blog most certainly sucks. That brings me around nicely to my last point. Just because your blog sucks doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a bad blogger. 
Now that we have that out of the way, here we go.
1. If your color scheme looks like a Disney character exploded….
2. If you RandOmly cAPItaliZE lettERs THROUghout YOur posts…
3. If my grandfather can take a trip the bathroom before your site loads…
4. If you’ve never met a widget or plugin you didn’t like…
5. If you have more ads than a Nascar race…
6. If you update once per presidential administration….
7. If you think punctuation is optional…
8. If your do-m-ai-n-na-me has more dashes than the Olympics…
9) If you spell like an illiterate 13 yo gril trieing 2 snd a txt msg…
10. If you tend to use big long run on sentences and never bother to break your content into paragraphs or format the text with headers or spaces or anything of the sort and would never dare to use a picture or two you know just something nice to look at thus resulting in a huge big long boring and bland block of text that could cure the worst case of insomnia just by having to look at it….
11. If your idea of “fair and balanced” is Fox News…
12. If your hosting company should be doing ads for Levitra…
13. And last but certainly not least, if you have to steal content ideas from Jeff Foxworthy…
I’m absolutely certain I’ve missed at least a couple so be sure to check out the comments below. If I know my readers they’ll come up with some gems. And remember, either check back in on Thursday or subscribe (RSS feed or email) to find out how much money I made from this blog in October! (Hint: It was more than last month.)
Update: If you enjoyed this post please consider voting for it on Digg. Thanks!
Comments
Pops October 30th, 2007
If your father is a guest blogger… (jk)
Derek E October 30th, 2007
You have a number in your domain name. Hey wait a minute….
Jason October 30th, 2007
If your readers fall asleep before they get to the fold. . .
Great post a couple of those are really funny. Loved the Olympics one.
Derek E October 30th, 2007
I just posted this on digg.com as a comment but I thought it would fit.
Your blog might suck if you are your blog’s most frequent visitor.
Ben Cook October 30th, 2007
Derek, I dunno about that one. I’m here quite a bit
Derek E October 30th, 2007
Ben, maybe it is a sign.
Tim October 30th, 2007
Hmmmm…. I want to disagree based on the fact that my blog falls into a couple of these categories.
Ben Cook October 30th, 2007
@Derek, saw that one coming.
@Tim, it’s easier if you just accept it.
Pops October 30th, 2007
Your blog might suck if:
you ever get it online.
Derek Eugea October 30th, 2007
@Tim – Your blog might suck if you disagree with this list or anyone on it.
Chuck McKay October 30th, 2007
If anything you write requires multiple explanation points!!!!! Or even one!!!!
Christee October 30th, 2007
Ben,
LOL! Very funny post! And, it’s nice to see you listened to your mother about condemning the action and not the person…
“Just because your blog sucks doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a bad blogger. “
James October 30th, 2007
my idea of fair and balanced is Fox news thank you very much
Duh it balances out 90% of all media lol Great post!
Shane October 30th, 2007
Your page looks like downtown Tokyo at night. I love Tokyo
Fiar October 30th, 2007
If you’re still using the default Wordpress theme.
Adam Mckerlie October 30th, 2007
Your blog DOES suck if you rip content off everyone elses blog.
Sorry just venting there.
Your blog might suck if the only visitors are from your family (and you had to force them).
SimoneM October 30th, 2007
Great list…I’m obviously a perfect blogger, although there might be a few more hurdles to jump before I get a ribbon, like:
1. My addiction to the dash – love that wishy-washy punctuation
2. Voting on your own poll and getting caught out (it’s just such an interesting question…)
3. Hacking into your sisters’ email and forcing them to subscribe
4. Constantly breaking off conversations mid-sentence to jot down a potential post title
5. Writing over-long comments on other bloggers’ sites (who have no idea who you are!)
s.
Neil Duckett October 30th, 2007
Glad you added you loved Tokyo Shane, i agree they could turn the lights down in some areas a bit though.
Lizzie October 30th, 2007
Your only visitors are feeds.
Ha!
Yuri October 30th, 2007
ROFL. If you don’t do all of the 25 blog running techniques I compiled, your blog should, probably, suck, too
Dax October 31st, 2007
Hey Tim
I just love your first post.
December 31st, 1969
Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!
Larry Leonardo October 31st, 2007
You’re Blog Might Suck if your name is Ben Cook
You’re Blog Might Suck if you have ads on it and complain about ads sucking.
You’re Blog Might Suck if you talk about blogs.
Don’t worry Ben Cook, Suicide is an answer, feel free to try it out.
Joey October 31st, 2007
If you start using new punctuation the same week that it gets featured on Digg’s from page, (*cough cough* interrobang)
kenst October 31st, 2007
if there’s no NEXT button at the bottom of your blog.
Justin October 31st, 2007
If the main purpose of your blog is to generate a “full time income”.
Tim October 31st, 2007
@ Dax, Thanks for the heads up, I fixed it.
Oh, btw, what is up with your site? lol! I was laughing out loud…
Metagg October 31st, 2007
Metagg is tracking this post…
Find out what Social News Sites are discussing this post over at metagg.com…
Roberto October 31st, 2007
Great post. Made me laugh, but not as loud as Dax’s site. All these comments are really spot on as well. Nothing like a breath of fresh air in the morning.
Craig October 31st, 2007
If you only talk about what you had for lunch every single day – and an extra special post is when you talk about dinner.
Cbraden77 October 31st, 2007
If you waste your whole life blogging…
Derek E October 31st, 2007
@ Dax – I think you might of just started Web3.0. I have a spin off site for you too. makeapaperairplane.us .
T Nick October 31st, 2007
Loved the post. You might add, “If you think Keith Olberman on MSNBC is a credible source.”
charles October 31st, 2007
lol! Now that is a funny one. I better rethink my blog i fit most that to a T ahhhhhhh LOL good job keep it up
Fiar October 31st, 2007
It worked! I printed a perfect piece of blank paper, and I couldn’t have done it without NotesPaper.
Al October 31st, 2007
…if you only have three tags on your posts: “Life’s not fair,” “That’s Hott” and “So Not Fair.”
Tommy October 31st, 2007
For social network blogs:
- You make accounts for your pets and link them to your friend list.
- Other than the above, your “friends” are all porn spam accounts.
- The banner you linked changes to a hemorrhoid ad.
- Your blog autoplays music. Any music.
- You text doesn’t fit in the fra
- Your entry sounded good and even past the spell check.
James Duffield October 31st, 2007
Great Post!
Here some more.
-If your main source of content is AdSense.
-If your have more ads than words.
-If your blog causes firefox to crash.
-If your 4 year old finds spelling errors.
-If your header graphic is larger than the fold of the page.
-If your mate finds your blog by accident then asks for a divorce.
-If your main topic is the advantages of cannibalism.
-If your considering Widget as a name for your next child.
Ben Cook October 31st, 2007
@ Larry, you seem a bit unbalanced my friend.
@ kenst, hmmm might need to fix that one. Thanks for the hint
Molly Silver October 31st, 2007
If all your posts consist of trackbacks.
Tim October 31st, 2007
@ Larry,
jealousy is an ugly beast. LOL. Behave.
Fiar October 31st, 2007
What’s with all the hostility? If you don’t like blogs, why are you spending time on them to post idiotic troll comments?
Caroline Middlebrook November 1st, 2007
Who is Jeff Foxworthy??
Cbraden77 November 1st, 2007
Keeping the blog polite..-[edit]Messing[/edit] with people is awesome!!
Pops November 1st, 2007
…if you can’t come up with a good follow up to this post.
Caroline: “Jeffrey M. Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian, actor and game show host who is known for his work as a stand-up comedian. He is perhaps best known for his “You Might Be a Redneck” jokes.” – Wikipedia
chipseo November 1st, 2007
How in the world did you get so many comments on this post… haha… great post.
I watch FNC all the time, they tell me every day it is “fair and balanced” is it not? (never mind, don’t answer that)
Jug November 7th, 2007
Cool post! It gave me a chuckle… thanks!
The Adsense Idiot November 16th, 2007
Your blog might suck if its anything like mine :-/
Chanya November 24th, 2007
Very funny. I recently did a post based on Jeff Foxworthy’s routine also called “You Might Be a Redneck Blogger If”.
Just found your site by reading Caroline’s Favourite Links & Blogs in which you received a well deserved mention.
Green Printer » 7 deadly blog sins thou shall not commit on thy eco-blog November 30th, 2007
[...] Let’s do a quick ‘n fun run-down of green blogs that follow the universal rules of quality, high-traffic blogging and those that don’t. [...]
Angi December 11th, 2007
Love this post! Unfortunately I think I fall into the Disney colors category, because I have an obsession with the Sims and currently my theme centers around MySims for the Wii. lol …. maybe I should adjust it.
leern December 12th, 2007
haha… so true.
digga December 16th, 2007
i think my blog might suck. i don’t really do much of what you said, but i just cant seem to keep on track with sh**.
The Investor's Journal December 21st, 2007
I read your list with the narration voice of Jeff Foxworthy in my head and it just made the post that much more hilarious.
Steve! December 21st, 2007
“…If your idea of “fair and balanced” is Fox News…”
LOL!!! That was great. Good luck with your experiment!
flyreel January 6th, 2008
howdy! really funny lines..like the one about nascar and tokyo..
i think your blog would suck if..
The only people who go to your site are non english speakers..
Most of the comments are like 2 of three words(great post!I agree! etc)
Would always have to scroll left & right to read it.
If you have to put a hyperlink on everyword that needs it regardless of the fact you mentioned that word 4 times already.
If you just started blogging like me..
thanks for the laughs and tips..
Shauna January 7th, 2008
I loved the Fox News comment!
Shauna
CatherineL January 7th, 2008
That is so funny. But, who is this Foxworthy bloke?
David Bradley January 9th, 2008
> If your color scheme looks like a Disney character exploded….
Equally, if your computer desktop looks like a Fisher-Price toy you may have Windows XP default color scheme installed instead of the much classier Zune (replace the wallpaper crowd with something tasteful though, that’s an awful graphic)
db
veronicaromm January 11th, 2008
I love the list. I am happy to say I don’t think I fall into any category except the one where I am my most frequent visitor, guilty as charged. Thanks for the tips. Veronica
Ellias McMunny February 2nd, 2008
Your Blog might suck if you’re spending too much times to argue with other bloggers on this comments section. lol…
runaway!!! xixixixi…
Steve Elliott February 13th, 2008
What’s wrong with Fox news? The best we can do this side of the pond is the good old stiff upper lip of the BBC!
Tom Ross March 11th, 2008
How about “if you think animated gifs are the sexiest thing since Geocities”?
Ryan March 23rd, 2008
The coolest blog I’ve seen so far! What a concept! This looks like a goldmine for newbie bloggers such as myself and truly gives back to the blogging community. As far as this particular blog article goes, I think even Jeff Foxworthy himself would get a kick out of it!
Salwa June 22nd, 2008
lol funny but all true. Great post
cara bina website July 10th, 2008
yeah, funny and at same time remind us what should’nt do to our blog.
iPhone March 22nd, 2009
txt spk + lck of pnktuatn hv 2 b the wrst thngs !
Iain June 28th, 2009
Legendary.
You not only provided a touch of humour, but created a thought provocative article that will actually stick in mind. These principles will be applied.
Thank you.
Make Money Online July 2nd, 2009
Ahahahaha, that’s awesome… especially the Olympic joke. Lol.
ed hardy July 23rd, 2009
With all these blog redesigns, I’m not sure how much longer I can resist doing my own! Love your new design by the way.
door knobs July 27th, 2009
If your desiger structure is not handy and there are more ads than content.
Free Reminder August 5th, 2009
The funniest SEO and Bloggins advices on net. But for me it’s not so funny because i recognize some of my blogging mistakes.
Dyski August 13th, 2009
Maybe I’m a little bit vicious but that sentence: “If your idea of “fair and balanced” is Fox News” made me laugh loud. But seriously: those tips may be funny but they’re as real as they can be. Making a blog is not an easy thing and anyone who want to blog should read not only those advices but some book (or e-book) about making a successful blog because there are so many blogs that no one ever seen (Except of their authors) and that is a pity. Web marketing is something that should be involved in the whole process of blog construction an promotion.
List Building Articles Blog September 28th, 2009
Hilarious yet these are all true. Nice post.
antique clocks October 17th, 2009
With all these blog redesigns, I’m not sure how much longer I can resist doing my own! Love your new design by the way.
antcollector October 25th, 2009
What’s wrong with Fox news? The best we can do this side of the pond is the good old stiff upper lip of the BBC!
bookcase October 27th, 2009
I’m not sure how much longer I can resist doing my own! Love your new design by the way.
sofas November 9th, 2009
Love this post! Unfortunately I think I fall into the Disney colors category, because I have an obsession with the Sims and currently my theme centers around MySims for the Wii. lol …. maybe I should adjust it.
cupboard November 10th, 2009
txt spk + lck of pnktuatn hv 2 b the wrst thngs !