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30
Oct
2007
Posted by Ben Cook as Blogging
I don’t know about you but I’m ready for the weekend. But, since it’s only Tuesday I figured I would lighten things up a bit. This post is meant to be funny but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still some good points in it as well.
I’m not sure why but Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck” routine always stuck with me. So, with a tip of the hat to the original, I’d like to present “Your Blog Might Suck”. Now before I get going I need to explain a few things. First and foremost, I probably have done or will do 75% of the things I’m about to talk about. I’m not proud, I’m just letting you know. Next, meeting one of these criteria doesn’t necessarily mean your blog sucks. Remember it’s “Your blog might suck”. However, if you notice that this is a checklist of all the “features” of your blog, sorry, but your blog most certainly sucks. That brings me around nicely to my last point. Just because your blog sucks doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a bad blogger. 
Now that we have that out of the way, here we go.
If your color scheme looks like a Disney character exploded….
If you RandOmly cAPItaliZE lettERs THROUghout YOur posts…
If my grandfather can take a trip the bathroom before your site loads…
If you’ve never met a widget or plugin you didn’t like…
If you have more ads than a Nascar race…
If you update once per presidential administration….
If you think punctuation is optional…
If your do-m-ai-n-na-me has more dashes than the Olympics…
If you spell like an illiterate 13 yo gril trieing 2 snd a txt msg…
If you tend to use big long run on sentences and never bother to break your content into paragraphs or format the text with headers or spaces or anything of the sort and would never dare to use a picture or two you know just something nice to look at thus resulting in a huge big long boring and bland block of text that could cure the worst case of insomnia just by having to look at it….
If your idea of “fair and balanced” is Fox News…
If your hosting company should be doing ads for Levitra…
And last but certainly not least, if you have to steal content ideas from Jeff Foxworthy…
I’m absolutely certain I’ve missed at least a couple so be sure to check out the comments below. If I know my readers they’ll come up with some gems. And remember, either check back in on Thursday or subscribe (RSS feed or email) to find out how much money I made from this blog in October! (Hint: It was more than last month.)
Update: If you enjoyed this post please consider voting for it on Digg. Thanks!
63 Responses
Pops
October 30th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
1If your father is a guest blogger… (jk)
Derek E
October 30th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
2You have a number in your domain name. Hey wait a minute….
Jason
October 30th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
3If your readers fall asleep before they get to the fold. . .
Great post a couple of those are really funny. Loved the Olympics one.
Derek E
October 30th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
4I just posted this on digg.com as a comment but I thought it would fit.
Your blog might suck if you are your blog’s most frequent visitor.
Ben Cook
October 30th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
5Derek, I dunno about that one. I’m here quite a bit
Derek E
October 30th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
6Ben, maybe it is a sign.
Tim
October 30th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
7Hmmmm…. I want to disagree based on the fact that my blog falls into a couple of these categories.
Ben Cook
October 30th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
8@Derek, saw that one coming.
@Tim, it’s easier if you just accept it.
Pops
October 30th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
9Your blog might suck if:
you ever get it online.
Derek Eugea
October 30th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
10@Tim - Your blog might suck if you disagree with this list or anyone on it.
Chuck McKay
October 30th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
11If anything you write requires multiple explanation points!!!!! Or even one!!!!
Christee
October 30th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
12Ben,
LOL! Very funny post! And, it’s nice to see you listened to your mother about condemning the action and not the person…
“Just because your blog sucks doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a bad blogger. “
James
October 30th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
13my idea of fair and balanced is Fox news thank you very much
Duh it balances out 90% of all media lol Great post!
Shane
October 30th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
14Your page looks like downtown Tokyo at night. I love Tokyo
Fiar
October 30th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
15If you’re still using the default Wordpress theme.
Adam Mckerlie
October 30th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
16Your blog DOES suck if you rip content off everyone elses blog.
Sorry just venting there.
Your blog might suck if the only visitors are from your family (and you had to force them).
SimoneM
October 30th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
17Great list…I’m obviously a perfect blogger, although there might be a few more hurdles to jump before I get a ribbon, like:
1. My addiction to the dash - love that wishy-washy punctuation
2. Voting on your own poll and getting caught out (it’s just such an interesting question…)
3. Hacking into your sisters’ email and forcing them to subscribe
4. Constantly breaking off conversations mid-sentence to jot down a potential post title
5. Writing over-long comments on other bloggers’ sites (who have no idea who you are!)
s.
Neil Duckett
October 30th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
18Glad you added you loved Tokyo Shane, i agree they could turn the lights down in some areas a bit though.
Lizzie
October 30th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
19Your only visitors are feeds.
Ha!
Yuri
October 30th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
20ROFL. If you don’t do all of the 25 blog running techniques I compiled, your blog should, probably, suck, too
Dax
October 31st, 2007 at 12:20 am
21Hey Tim
I just love your first post.
December 31st, 1969
Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!
Larry Leonardo
October 31st, 2007 at 11:00 am
22You’re Blog Might Suck if your name is Ben Cook
You’re Blog Might Suck if you have ads on it and complain about ads sucking.
You’re Blog Might Suck if you talk about blogs.
Don’t worry Ben Cook, Suicide is an answer, feel free to try it out.
Joey
October 31st, 2007 at 11:03 am
23If you start using new punctuation the same week that it gets featured on Digg’s from page, (*cough cough* interrobang)
kenst
October 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am
24if there’s no NEXT button at the bottom of your blog.
Justin
October 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am
25If the main purpose of your blog is to generate a “full time income”.
Tim
October 31st, 2007 at 11:14 am
26@ Dax, Thanks for the heads up, I fixed it.
Oh, btw, what is up with your site? lol! I was laughing out loud…
Metagg
October 31st, 2007 at 11:23 am
27Metagg is tracking this post…
Find out what Social News Sites are discussing this post over at metagg.com…
Roberto
October 31st, 2007 at 11:23 am
28Great post. Made me laugh, but not as loud as Dax’s site. All these comments are really spot on as well. Nothing like a breath of fresh air in the morning.
Craig
October 31st, 2007 at 11:28 am
29If you only talk about what you had for lunch every single day - and an extra special post is when you talk about dinner.
Cbraden77
October 31st, 2007 at 11:30 am
30If you waste your whole life blogging…
Derek E
October 31st, 2007 at 11:32 am
31@ Dax - I think you might of just started Web3.0. I have a spin off site for you too. makeapaperairplane.us .
T Nick
October 31st, 2007 at 11:33 am
32Loved the post. You might add, “If you think Keith Olberman on MSNBC is a credible source.”
charles
October 31st, 2007 at 11:37 am
33lol! Now that is a funny one. I better rethink my blog i fit most that to a T ahhhhhhh LOL good job keep it up
Fiar
October 31st, 2007 at 11:37 am
34It worked! I printed a perfect piece of blank paper, and I couldn’t have done it without NotesPaper.
Al
October 31st, 2007 at 11:42 am
35…if you only have three tags on your posts: “Life’s not fair,” “That’s Hott” and “So Not Fair.”
Tommy
October 31st, 2007 at 12:06 pm
36For social network blogs:
- You make accounts for your pets and link them to your friend list.
- Other than the above, your “friends” are all porn spam accounts.
- The banner you linked changes to a hemorrhoid ad.
- Your blog autoplays music. Any music.
- You text doesn’t fit in the fra
- Your entry sounded good and even past the spell check.
James Duffield
October 31st, 2007 at 12:29 pm
37Great Post!
Here some more.
-If your main source of content is AdSense.
-If your have more ads than words.
-If your blog causes firefox to crash.
-If your 4 year old finds spelling errors.
-If your header graphic is larger than the fold of the page.
-If your mate finds your blog by accident then asks for a divorce.
-If your main topic is the advantages of cannibalism.
-If your considering Widget as a name for your next child.
Ben Cook
October 31st, 2007 at 12:39 pm
38@ Larry, you seem a bit unbalanced my friend.
@ kenst, hmmm might need to fix that one. Thanks for the hint
Molly Silver
October 31st, 2007 at 1:31 pm
39If all your posts consist of trackbacks.
Tim
October 31st, 2007 at 1:37 pm
40@ Larry,
jealousy is an ugly beast. LOL. Behave.
Fiar
October 31st, 2007 at 2:14 pm
41What’s with all the hostility? If you don’t like blogs, why are you spending time on them to post idiotic troll comments?
Caroline Middlebrook
November 1st, 2007 at 5:18 am
42Who is Jeff Foxworthy??
Cbraden77
November 1st, 2007 at 9:12 am
43Keeping the blog polite..-[edit]Messing[/edit] with people is awesome!!
Pops
November 1st, 2007 at 9:46 am
44…if you can’t come up with a good follow up to this post.
Caroline: “Jeffrey M. Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian, actor and game show host who is known for his work as a stand-up comedian. He is perhaps best known for his “You Might Be a Redneck” jokes.” - Wikipedia
chipseo
November 1st, 2007 at 9:53 am
45How in the world did you get so many comments on this post… haha… great post.
I watch FNC all the time, they tell me every day it is “fair and balanced” is it not? (never mind, don’t answer that)
Jug
November 7th, 2007 at 8:18 am
46Cool post! It gave me a chuckle… thanks!
The Adsense Idiot
November 16th, 2007 at 10:13 am
47Your blog might suck if its anything like mine :-/
Chanya
November 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
48Very funny. I recently did a post based on Jeff Foxworthy’s routine also called “You Might Be a Redneck Blogger If”.
Just found your site by reading Caroline’s Favourite Links & Blogs in which you received a well deserved mention.
Green Printer » 7 deadly blog sins thou shall not commit on thy eco-blog
November 30th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
49[…] Let’s do a quick ‘n fun run-down of green blogs that follow the universal rules of quality, high-traffic blogging and those that don’t. […]
Angi
December 11th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
50Love this post! Unfortunately I think I fall into the Disney colors category, because I have an obsession with the Sims and currently my theme centers around MySims for the Wii. lol …. maybe I should adjust it.
leern
December 12th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
51haha… so true.
digga
December 16th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
52i think my blog might suck. i don’t really do much of what you said, but i just cant seem to keep on track with sh**.
The Investor's Journal
December 21st, 2007 at 12:00 pm
53I read your list with the narration voice of Jeff Foxworthy in my head and it just made the post that much more hilarious.
Steve!
December 21st, 2007 at 12:01 pm
54“…If your idea of “fair and balanced” is Fox News…”
LOL!!! That was great. Good luck with your experiment!
flyreel
January 6th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
55howdy! really funny lines..like the one about nascar and tokyo..
i think your blog would suck if..
The only people who go to your site are non english speakers..
Most of the comments are like 2 of three words(great post!I agree! etc)
Would always have to scroll left & right to read it.
If you have to put a hyperlink on everyword that needs it regardless of the fact you mentioned that word 4 times already.
If you just started blogging like me..
thanks for the laughs and tips..
Shauna
January 7th, 2008 at 11:03 am
56I loved the Fox News comment!
Shauna
CatherineL
January 7th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
57That is so funny. But, who is this Foxworthy bloke?
David Bradley
January 9th, 2008 at 11:43 am
58> If your color scheme looks like a Disney character exploded….
Equally, if your computer desktop looks like a Fisher-Price toy you may have Windows XP default color scheme installed instead of the much classier Zune (replace the wallpaper crowd with something tasteful though, that’s an awful graphic)
db
veronicaromm
January 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am
59I love the list. I am happy to say I don’t think I fall into any category except the one where I am my most frequent visitor, guilty as charged. Thanks for the tips. Veronica
Ellias McMunny
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
60Your Blog might suck if you’re spending too much times to argue with other bloggers on this comments section. lol…
runaway!!! xixixixi…
Steve Elliott
February 13th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
61What’s wrong with Fox news? The best we can do this side of the pond is the good old stiff upper lip of the BBC!
Tom Ross
March 11th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
62How about “if you think animated gifs are the sexiest thing since Geocities”?
Ryan
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
63The coolest blog I’ve seen so far! What a concept! This looks like a goldmine for newbie bloggers such as myself and truly gives back to the blogging community. As far as this particular blog article goes, I think even Jeff Foxworthy himself would get a kick out of it!
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